The Alcohol Related Fail (Part One)

Now, before I give out the wrong impression here, happy readers, I do not make a habit of getting very drunk. Mainly because when I do, the following embarrassing events tend to occur. However, it was Freshers week at uni, and alcohol seems to be a good way to forget that you are stuck in a strange place with people you don't know trying to pretend you are having the time of your life.

So, one night I am at a house party with my friend, and I make the terrible, terrible mistake that is to mix drinks. I don't have a lot of memories of this night (clearly I killed off a few brain cells) but the ones I do have are quite amusing. For instance, I remember going to the toilet and finding it quite a stressful ordeal having to figure out how to undo my jeans. This should have been a warning sign.

My friend decided I was a bit too merry to be, well, speaking to other individuals. So she kindly took me home, sadly not before I left a nice 'leaving present' on their doorstep. I do recall being incredibly surprised that I was sick, as I was convinced I was fine and taking me home was nonsense because I wasn't even drunk, not really, and even asking;

"Was that me?"

For any normal student this alone would be embarrassing enough. But not for me. I was feeling a little queasy when I got to the top of the stairs, and insisted on sitting down for a bit on the toilet. My friend decided this wasn't a bad idea (I expect she was also a little merry herself). So sit down I did. I still don't quite know how this happened. I don't know if it is the angle I sat down at, or I am much heavier than I look, but I broke the toilet seat. I have a very vague memory of my drunken self standing up and seeing blurry, black shards in the toilet bowl and stating; "I broke it".

And my friend replying in a slurring voice; "Yes, never mind. It's only a toilet seat."

In the morning, body aching, head pounding, I was little impressed to see the state of the toilet and my other housemates' bemused expressions. But what can I say? When Squids party, they party hard. But before you invite me over for a wild, crazy night, just make sure your bathroom is sturdy.